Who you live with, work with, spend time with rubs off on you. There is a culture in each community. That’s why parents don’t like their children hanging around with the wrong crowd. One young woman I know hated her husband’s work. Initially she encouraged him to develop friendships there but by doing so he joined the culture of drinking and gambling and being selfish which isn’t good for anyone but may be acceptable for singles. This man had a wife and 5 children dependent on him!
What I’m getting at is:
I suffer from depression. So does my husband and so does my son. I am medicated and seek assistance from professionals. They don’t. It is hard to get motivated for positive behaviour at home. The men always seem so vocal about what hasn’t been done around the house, but they never do it. Therefore, I can only assume that they expect me to do it all. I am constantly weighted down with the anger and resentment I feel because of expectations – real or imagined. I can’t even live up to my own expectations. I know I should be on top of things. I don’t want to live in chaos. But dragging me down and stagnating me is the thought: why should I have to do it all?
I could sit down with them and say: let’s all try to be positive and pitch in and get things done around here. Ha! It makes me extremely anxious just thinking about it. It makes me think that this family group has passed its use-by date. I have no trust in them to react positively to such a suggestion. Like I cannot trust anyone to put the bin out by collection time, even if they have been asked and said they would and a long line of other things I could not trust them with.
I need a support group – group therapy I guess - probably gender-based but maybe it doesn’t matter- where we come together to encourage each other in positive behaviours. It will become our own cultural community. Yes, I think it should be just women - include some willing positive people for peer-group mentoring. I think it is like alcohol or drug rehab – how often the best mentors/counsellors are recovered alcoholics and addicts because they are the ones who understand the hard road to recovery. They are more likely to know all the pitfalls and guide you through and not be so judgemental when you fail. Maybe not true – my father is an ex-smoker who has no sympathy or understanding of my not quitting. Smoking is part of the culture in my immediate family. My husband and two children all smoke. That’s a topic for another day.